Why Kakashi Wears A Mask
by KaribbeanBloo
Summary: Randomness...a little story explaining why Kakashi wears a mask, why he and Gai are rivals, and some random cloaks.


**Disclaimer:** I forgot one of these last time! Unfortunately, I don't own Naruto. If I did, the hero wouldn't be Naruto, it would be...somebody else. And Orochimaru would die a slow and painful death instead of sticking around for as long as he does.

**I wrote this really late at night while eating goldfish and listening to Motion City Soundtrack...over...and over...and over. So it's a little weird! **

**Maito Gai Master Guy (I like the proper Japanese spelling better)**

Once, Kakashi was the handsomest man in Konahagakure. None could rival his incredible masculine beauty; women fell swooning at his feet as the men watched in envy. So great were his good looks and charm that everyone instantly forgave him for showing up five hours late to ever meeting, date, and tupperware party (because he HAD to make sure his hair was perfectly styled).

However, all this popularity didn't sit too well with one person…

"Mirror, mirror, on the wall, who's the most handsome of them all?" chanted Maito Gai, in his not-so-attractive jumpsuit.

The mirror sighed. "Do we really have to go through this again?"

"Mirror!" shrieked Gai. "We only live once and you're wasting my precious youth with your reluctance to answer my redundant question, because we all know _I_ am the most handsome man of Konohagakure!"

"Well, actually…no." The mirror explained. "That would be Kakashi!"

Gai blinked. "Kakashi! Are you sure?"

"As sure as I was yesterday, and the day before, and the day before that, and the day before that…"

Gai collapsed weeping as the mirror continued to list the days it had given the same answer.

"…and once it was Itachi Uchiha, but then Kakashi woke up and was most handsome again…"

**MEANWHILE—**

Kakashi stood in front of his mirror, admiring his beautiful face. The scar across his left eye only made him more sexy, really.

"I am so freaking HOT!" he exclaimed. "I must go out and display my hotness to the world!"

He had never looked better than he did that day. People stopped what they were doing to stare in awe. Many were blinded by the dazzling light on his perfect white teeth when he smiled; women cried tears of joy when he flipped his long hair out of his face. He ignored them all—he cared nothing for women, having found non that he considered worthy of being his equal.

As he was walking, he was spotted by Orochimaru, who fell in love with him instantly. (**author's note:** I know Orochimaru is a guy and normally I wouldn't do this…but he looks so girly that I couldn't resist. I mean…he's more androgynous than Envy. Right? Right. Moving on…) He stalked Kakashi through town, sick with love.

"I'm lost." said Kakashi aloud to himself. "How did this happen? Can somebody help me?"

This was Orochimaru's chance! But he was so tongue-tied that all he could do was repeat: "Me, me!"

Kakashi jumped; he had not expected a reply. "Is anyone here?"

"Here!" called Orochimaru, hiding behind a conveniently placed rack of cloaks.

"Well, come out!" Kakashi snapped. Orochimaru stepped through the cloaks (knocking several over, much to the merchants displeasure) with his arms open wide. Kakashi turned away in disgust.

"I want nothing to do with you," he sneered. "I'm too handsome for an evil, ugly hag like you. And you're a _guy_."

Orochimaru got angry. _Really angry_. He swore he'd get revenge on Kakashi for spurning him. Late at night, he snuck into Kakashi's room…………and booby trapped his masks. (I had you going for a minute, didn't I?)

This is what happened:

The Hokage had decreed that Kakashi had to wear masks on all missions, because his dazzling beauty gave him away. On the next mission, it simply got stuck to his face and wouldn't come off.

"SHIT!" he thought

"Yes!" Gai cheered in his head, tears of joy streaming down his face.

Kakashi could only take the mask off when he was alone. If someone walked in when he wasn't wearing it, it reattached to his face instantly. After all, Orochimaru didn't really want to kill him (because he was in love with him), just…punish him a little. Needless to say, it made dating difficult (on those rare times Kakashi found someone he considered as good looking as he was)—he couldn't take it off to eat, and forget about kissing. Plus, he developed a weird tan where the top half of his face was pale…but the bottom half was the same shade as chalk. Yeah, not very attractive.

This is why Kakashi wears a mask. This is also why Gai announces himself as the handsome beast of Konoha (despite what the mirror says to the contrary), which is why Kakashi and Gai are rivals

The end.

**Ok, Kakashi's character is a little...different, but it was necessary for the story. I don't know where the mirror came from, it just sort of randomly came to me. The conversation between Orochimaru and Kakashi came from the myth of Narcissus and Echo (which I was reading earlier that night)**

**Kakashi: The whole thing is ridiculous**

**Kari: That was the point**

**Neji: Why wasn't I in the story? I thought I was your favorite**

**Kari: There wasn't any place for you!**

**Envy: There's somebody girlier than me! AWESOME**

**Reviews, please? (I love all the ones from the Wrath story...I shall write a new Wrath story for you soon, I promise)**


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